Realizing your blessings

Its really sad that it sometimes takes a persons death to remind us how truly blessed we are. Spike and I attended a memorial service for the wife of a family friend. She was pregnant with their first child and developed H.E.L.L.P. syndrome in the 3rd trimester of her pregnancy. The only cure was to deliver the baby. She gave birth to their daughter on November 7, 2008. From what we heard, she only saw the baby for 20 minutes. There were some complications which resulted in a medically induced coma. In her last few days of life, her system started shutting down. She passed last week.

We were at the funeral home for a good two hours last night. I was totally fine when we got there, but the longer we stayed, all of the pictures in the room, and the woman's mother holding her new granddaughter really got a hold of my heart strings. When I saw her mom holding the baby, she was staring at the baby so deeply - almost as if she was looking for the little girl she just lost, but trying so hard to hold on to her daughter's memory by memorizing her granddaughters face - I got pretty emotional. We were talking to the baby's fathers mom and she was saying how there weren't any pictures of the mom holding her new baby. The only picture they had was one of grandma holding the baby next to the moms bed. You can only see part of the moms face in the picture. So sad :-( Thankfully I was sitting by myself when my emotions got to me and I wasn't standing with the group of people that Spike and his sister were standing with. All that I wanted to do was leave and go give my baby a million kisses.

Its sad that it took the death of someone for me to realize that I am so blessed to have had a healthy pregnancy and delivery. I thank God for Brock every single day, but my love for him has become so much deeper. So much so, that I can't believe I didn't love him this deeply from the beginning. I know that sounds harsh because I really love Brock, but somehow, something changed for me last night.

Ugh... I'm getting emotional just thinking about it again. I had a really hard time sleeping last night. I could not stop praying. I think I prayed for an hour straight! For my family, for my friends, for this new little baby girl who will never meet her mommy, and for her dad. May he find the strength to raise his little girl to carry her mother's legacy.